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Hello, friends, I am Cindy Thompson and this is a resilience project. This is a space where stories are shared and possibilities are discovered. I invite you to partner with me in cultivating resilience among humans one conversation at a time. Hello to my resilient village of friends. I have been reflecting quite a bit over the summer about the value of taking time to rest. With some coaching, I was able to commit to taking the whole month of August off. This is the most holiday time I have taken at one time for many, many years. When I was in my pre-contemplative stage, I would use language like, if I take August off, and then with some prompting, finally move to using language like when I take August off. Full disclosure, I am so grateful to have had this priceless time for a break and the space to be creative. Some of you may already know this, but approximately four years ago, my husband Robert and I began our learning journey in sailing. With this recent time off, I knew it was important to have a larger window of time to be out on the water. What I realized is that sailing really does lend itself to a beautiful metaphor for life and, in particular, resilience. This is not a new metaphor, but for the first time had an opportunity to consider why this metaphor has been used with such abundance. So I apologize in advance if you feel like this theme is redundant. As a flatlander from Manitoba, I can honestly say I had no aspiration to be a sailor. I have to admit my tendency is to play it safe. I am not someone who would be drawn to adventure or thrill-seeking hobbies, but I do love to create a great story. Have you ever noticed it is often in hindsight that a vacation gone astray becomes one of the most memorable and best stories to tell. When Robert and I embraced sailing as a new hobby together, and by the way, a great distraction from the empty nest syndrome, I developed a whole new appreciation for being on the ocean. Robert grew up on the west coast of Vancouver Island and has spent many hours on the water. In fact, his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were mariners in their day. We won't go too deep into his great-grandfather's story, however, as I believe there may be some stories of rum running involved. As I reflect on some of the resiliency practices I have developed over the years, I have found there are a number of parallels in the sailing experience. So I hope you will have as much fun with this metaphor as I have. A number of these themes showed up in real time as we recently explored Desolation Sound on the west coast of Canada. For those of you who have not heard my episode titled 2020 Vision for Resilience, I think it's important to paint the picture of my first stepping onto a sailboat in the sailing course four years ago. I'm pretty sure you would have been shaking your head. I looked like a toddler learning to walk. It goes without saying that I did not naturally come with a pair of sea legs. I had never driven a boat or started a boat, and my boating reference had been primarily on lakes in the prairies. The sailing course was quite extensive, involving in-class learning in addition to 46 hours on the water. I recall arriving at the marina in Comox during a rather cool spring and suggested we probably would not be going up that day because it was too windy. This tells you just how much I had to learn. Fast forward to our decision to buy a boat and all that I had been discovering about this experience. I found this quote in one of the sailing books we were recently going through in planning our trip. This is by Daniel Boerston. When one risks so little or experiences so little on the voyage, the experience of being there somehow becomes emptier and more trivial. When getting there was more troublesome, being there was more vivid. I think I was meant to read this just prior to this most recent adventure. Somehow it left me more open to what may come, and I noticed a willingness to embrace variables that could occur at any time. This also reflects several conversations I've had with coaching clients. If things come too easy, do we really appreciate how much growth has occurred along the way? This leads me to the first theme, which is flexibility. Sailing involves a great deal of planning and a great deal of flexibility. Having a plan, A, B, C, and maybe even D, allows you to assess which one is best right now. One thing is for sure, life will throw you curveballs. If we plan things out too stringently, we can create unnecessary stress for ourselves. If you approach it with open hands and you are more likely to have a mindset that is willing to adjust as necessary. As in life, the weather can be unpredictable and it can catch you off guard. One of my favorite coves to go to is called Tribune Bay on Hornby Island. The winds need to be in a particular direction in order to have a comfortable anchor. I am now careful not to get too invested in spending my weekend in this one place as conditions can change. Another aspect of this is to trust the decision you made with the information you had at the time. This can alleviate a great deal of self-doubt and rumination over what could have been. There have been more than one occasion where we checked the weather, made our best assessment for where we needed to set anchor. Don't look back, but trust in your inner wisdom that allowed you to make your most informed choice at that time. You may be someone who likes to plan and will have anticipated many steps ahead. How could this shift in mindset allow you to imagine other possibilities and the benefits that could be associated with these other options? What percentage of your stress could be mitigated in this way? Now, let's talk about trust. Continuing to build on the sailing theme, how are you at trusting that you have what you need on your boat? There is a strong likelihood that you have already navigated some storms by now in life. How did you get through them? Was someone on the boat with you that had strength to complement yours? As I have coached some clients, we talk about their experience of feeling set adrift in adversity, and they are often unsure of how to navigate the waters. Remember, a boat is not meant to be tied up at shore. What have you been learning about yourself that you can draw on, particularly when things get difficult? When we are sometimes in turbulent waters and the conditions feel uncomfortable, I have learned to rely on several insights and skills to walk me through the experience. For example, I'll remind myself that this moment is not forever, or that I've been in bigger winds before, and that I am on a boat built for this experience. It also helps to walk through a few strategies or precautions we might take to ensure that we're comfortable with our decision. This is also a great time to check in on any anticipatory worry. By remaining in the moment, knowing you will navigate these current circumstances, can help you remain aware of unnecessary worry and stress. In other words, don't create a storm that isn't even happening. Just remind yourself that you will deal with that if the situation arises and their life experience that you have already navigated. Next, I'd like to talk about allowing yourself the opportunity to be surprised. When I first took the sailing course, it felt like a lot of work, I'll be honest. Of course, they were providing every opportunity to learn while out on the water, but the intensity and the physical work associated with the initial trips on the water were very different than what we experience now. If we view our current experience through too small of a lens, we can miss a rich opportunity and many rewards that can come in life. If I had judged sailing only through that learning environment, I would have missed out on opportunities to see whales, to discover interesting little coves, or to meet some other boaters along the way. Some of my fondest memories will be associated with the landscapes, sitting on the back of the boat in the morning having coffee while the mist rises off the water, or the different places we've seen. If you reflect on your life, how often were you surprised by a new place or a move to a new community, for example? Our minds can sometimes anticipate worst-case scenarios to try and prepare us for possible challenges. This can have some advantages, but I would warn against spending too much time on what could go wrong rather than what could go right. Here is a little exercise to try. It is called Three Blessings from Martin Seligman's book called Flourish. Every night, for the next week, set aside 10 minutes before you go to sleep. Write down three things that went well that day and why you believe they went well. It is important that you have a record of these observations. Next to each positive event, answer the question, why did this happen? One example that comes to mind for me is that each time we have to anchor, Robert does the heavy lifting of letting the anchor out, but my job is to keep the boat into the wind and try not to hit any of the other boats around us. For some reason, I feel a degree of anticipatory stress each time we are about to anchor. Even though we have now gained some experience in anchoring, I have to use an intentional practice in managing this worry. So each time we have successfully set the anchor, I reflect on what went well, how my confidence is growing, and also trusting that we adapted and communicated well. We also have nailed down some pretty awesome hand signals, by the way. Next, let's talk about enjoying the calm. Having been around the sun a few times in my life, there is one thing I know for sure. Some days life will give you ripples, sometimes bigger waves, and in other cases massive storms. The trick, I think, is to enjoy the calm, because you never know how long it will last. Sometimes we have a sailing weekend planned, but it ends up being flat calm. I understand that in sailing it is the opposite of what we hope for in life, but I've been reflecting on the benefit of enjoying the calm. It makes it easier to spot the whales, it is easier to read on the boat, you can make coffee while underway, and most interesting to me is that I just often sit and reflect. This is a rarity for me, as at home there are so many things I could and should be doing. I often just sit on the boat, appreciate the beauty, and do not have to be doing anything else. Maybe it is showing my age, but this summer I have really noticed this new normal. The first couple of years of going out on the boat, I would put music on or have some other distraction. Now I love to position myself in the sun and just be. How often do you just allow yourself to sit quietly without distractions? I invite you to try this as an experiment. Give yourself maybe five minutes to begin with just to sit and be, gradually expanding this time as you feel ready. What do you notice? I've met a number of people who are truly uncomfortable with calm. There can be a natural instinct to create a bit of tension, design a new challenge, or create a bit of chaos. I certainly am guilty of this. My pattern is to add something to my plate or get really excited about a new opportunity, fully packing my schedule, and as a result, not having a lot of open space or time to be bored. As I mentioned, I've been appreciating the opportunity for new creativity to occur in the quiet. You can let those new ideas or fresh perspectives rise to the surface. Could this be a practice you might implement in your week, ensuring time for you? I'm curious, what apprehensions, if any, do you notice when you picture that? I invite you to do some journaling, write them down, and assess what this might mean to you. The next little gem that I've pulled out of life experience is not to compare yourself with anyone else. In other words, someone is always going to have a better, bigger, fancier boat. No matter where we are in life, it is human nature to see how we might be doing in comparison with others. Whether it's as a woman, comparing physical attributes or within my career, is natural to look around and wonder if you are enough. But an interesting thing happens when you get out on the water and there are no other boats to compare yourself to. When you celebrate and feel grateful for what you have currently, there's no need to compare. This is certainly a practice, my friends, but it is a wonderful reminder that without a mirror, social media, or other leaders you might be comparing yourself to, I would like to suggest you are doing the best that you can with what you have, and you are where you need to be right now. There is a great deal of research to suggest that people who practice gratitude feel less pain, less stress, have stronger immune systems, and healthier relationships. Something to shoot for, don't you think? You've been born with a unique set of qualities, gifts, and strengths that are continuing to be developed. Celebrate what you have achieved, what you have overcome, and the many ways you are continuing to grow and learn. There is a sweet spot between setting goals and moving forward while also resting and honoring what has helped you to arrive at this point right now. The final topic is called new challenges bring opportunity for growth. Have you ever noticed the first time you're doing something new, it can feel really hard? Then, what happens when you do that thing that scared you the first time over and over? This is one of the additional learnings I have taken away from the sailing experience. I want to be careful here because I know many of you are going through some very difficult times in your life right now. The intention of this episode is speaking to some broader generalities with the hope that there may be something that you might take hold of and add to your resilience practice. There will continue to be some aspects of sailing that I may never really be comfortable with, but I am remaining open to the possibility that I may have capacity for more as we continue to put ourselves in various circumstances. I often think of that lottery ad that suggests, know your limit and play within it. This, my friends, is an invitation to know when to rest, when to press on, and when you have already hit that wall. Ideally, you become fully aware before you hit the wall. Take time to listen to your body and have a conversation with yourself. How are we doing? Are we tired? What do we need right now? One quick way to assess this and to see how you're doing is to imagine that in the next 24 hours a miracle happens. What would your miracle involve? What comes to mind first without overthinking it? Perhaps there will be a clue in there for you. It can take time as you develop your personal compass, listening to your intuition. Drawing on one of my previous guests on the podcast, Dr. Kirk Austin's book, ties in nicely with the sailing theme. I love the image of buoyancy, particularly for this episode. In order to create buoyancy, we rely on the acronym BREATE. B is for bravery, which speaks to the attitude and actions we rely on in order to press on, despite the trials we might be experiencing. Resilience, which considers the attitude and actions related to bouncing back. Endurance is the ability to hang on while in the middle of the storm. A is for acceptance, which means that we can learn to make peace with the events or adversities that may have led to life-changing outcomes. T is for tenacity, which is the ability to stick with something even when it's hard. H is for hope that considers the attitude and actions related to expecting the best despite the current adversity. E is for excellence, which suggests you are showing up and doing your best, but not necessarily in a perfectionistic way. This is an invitation to consider how you might be enhancing your resilience practice in these ways. As in each podcast, I wanted to wrap up by leaving you with a few reflection questions. The first one is to consider what strengths you have developed that act as your sale. Can you rely on them to point you in the right direction? Perhaps these are your values or guiding principles you live by. In addition to your sales, what about a compass? For some it might be intuition, while for others it might be a higher power. How often do you check in with this compass to guide you? And lastly, how have your adventures to date influenced or shaped who you are? Can you think of one adventure that you find yourself recalling as one of those game-changing moments? Over the course of our lives, we are regularly building on and adding to our boat. With each day, we have an opportunity to develop our skills, grow our awareness, and discover a new destination. Finally, in the words of Christopher Columbus, when we become captains of our own ship, we're able to go wherever we want. Even though our destinations can change, our journey to discover who we are and our treasure is everlasting. Thank you for listening to this episode of a resilience project. We would not be doing this podcast without you. If you or someone you know has an inspirational story or is helping to build resilience in their community, please email me at cindy at a resilienceproject.com. In fact, email me either way. I would love to hear from you. My hope is to feature an episode periodically on your letters of resilience. I'm very interested in hearing your story of how you have tackled hard things and what worked for you. With your permission, I hope to share some of these stories along the way with our listeners. Also, check out my website, arresilienceproject.com to learn more about our amazing guests. Your presence here is important because together we are cultivating a village of resilient individuals. You are creating a space for their stories to be shared and a sacred space for learning to occur. I also have a favor. I would love for you to go to your preferred podcast platform, rate, and review the podcast so that we will know how we're doing. I also would like to express my gratitude to the amazing team of volunteers that have jumped on board to support this project. You will find each of those beautiful people on my website on the team page. As you go about this week, I invite you to think about one way that you can continue to grow your resilient muscle. What is one thing you can start with today? See you next week.

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