SPEAKER_00 0:00

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SPEAKER_02 0:20

Hello, friends, I am Cindy Thompson and this is a resilience project. This is a space where stories are shared and possibilities are discovered. I invite you to partner with me in cultivating resilience among humans one conversation at a time. In this episode, I have the privilege of speaking with Jess Van Ziel from Australia. At the age of 21, Jess felt invincible. From bungee jumping to scuba diving in South Africa, Jess was fulfilling her dreams as a true adventurer, a student, and a passionate sportswoman. In the midst of her dreams unfolding, Jess was informed she had conjunctival ocular melanoma, a very rare and aggressive form of cancer. Despite returning to Australia, home to some of the best melanoma experts in the world, the cancer was relentless. Jess was given a choice. They either had to remove her eye, or the alternative would be death within five years. Defying the odds, Jess emerged having discovered the powerful principles that not only guided her through her fear, loneliness, and anger, but revolutionized her mindset to become powerfully positive and ridiculously resilient. With her sassy blend of honesty and humor, Jess reveals what it takes to thrive in the face of adversity. I am grateful to have a conversation with Jess to discover how she has navigated life on her terms and with the most dazzling collection of eye patches. Jess, thank you so much for being here with me today to have a conversation on a resilience project.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Thanks for having me, Cindy.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

I'm so glad I found you on Instagram. So I had to meet you. So thank you for taking some time to grow a connection here and reach across the world from Melbourne, Australia today. Let's go before 21, because I understand at 21 you discovered that you had this very unique melanoma in your eye. But tell us a little bit about who Jess is before cancer.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

So before cancer and before that 21 age point, I was at university studying to be a nutritionist. I was also a highly adventurous person. Between high school and my first year of university, I actually took a year off and traveled around the world. I lived in London, worked in London at this amazing 1950s American-style diner that was also a bowling alley and a cocktail bar. It was seriously the coolest place I have ever worked. Love it. And I really do wish I could continue working somewhere like that because that was so much fun. And traveled around as well. We did some of Europe and at the end, we did three months in South Africa where I did the world's highest bungee jump, which is 216 meters free fall. Before that, I was absolutely terrified of heights. So getting through that was massive for me. And one of the things I always actually share from that experience was all of these things around, you know, saying how the bungee was really safe and that they'd never had an accident in the 20 years that they'd been running and all of those sort of things, which should make you feel comforted. But for me, I was like, yep, I'm still jumping off a bridge, doesn't really help you. And then there was this sign on the wall, and it just said that fear is temporary, but regret lasts forever. And that was what prompted me to actually do it. And I just went, you know what? I can feel fear right now, but it's just a fleeting feeling. But I will regret not taking this opportunity when I'm back in Australia, when I'm looking back at all the moments in my life. So I did do the bungee jump. I was absolutely terrified, and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Um and then after that, we did scuba diving as well. So I went up and did my dive master, like we did some volunteer work as well and got to work with all of the guests and stuff. So it was a really cool experience. So I had a lot of different sides to me that was really adventurous, really dedicated to my study, and had a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_02 4:38

It sounds like you're somebody who always has embraced life. Like the fact that even then doing the bungee jump, I probably would have gone home been okay to not have taken that jump and lived with that okay, but not you. I really am hearing that part of you that doesn't walk away from a challenge.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

That and my dad had already challenged me to it as well. So yeah, if someone puts me up to it, there's definitely no way I'll step back.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

I love that. So maybe a bit of pride as well. Absolutely. Yeah. So you had this amazing year of traveling. You have embraced all kinds of opportunities wherever you went to have those experiences. And then you go back home. So tell me about discovering the cancer and what were the first indicators?

SPEAKER_03 5:26

So it was actually quite a long journey to discovering it. I noticed a, or actually, my mum before I did had noticed a red spot on the white of my left eye. I can remember back to the age of 10. Mum actually said it was earlier. And we used to ask our GP like about what it was, and they just said it looks like a burst blood vessel, if that was still there in six months, to come back and they'll have another look at it, which we did. And again, they would just say, Oh, but it just looks like a burst blood vessel. And it just kept going on and on and on. At about the age of 18, so my final year of high school, it did start to become a little bit more vascularized and raised. It's had changed a little bit. And I started to feel like there was something going on. And I followed it up again with GPs, and a lot of them just said, it's nothing, don't worry about it. It was only after I came back from my year away, I went back and saw another doctor because I said, Look, this is actually starting to irritate me. Like when I was blinking, I could feel it. People would ask me about it. You could actually see it looking at me after that point, and I got a bit self-conscious as well. So they said, Oh, it'll just need to be lasered off. You need to go and see an ophthalmologist, which is an eye specialist. I didn't think too much of it. They told me it will just be lasered off. So I booked in this appointment, and I think the appointment was actually the week before my exams for my first year of university, which was great timing. Wow. Yeah. I'm sure you can see where this is going because I went to the appointment. I thought it was going to be like a 20, 30-minute appointment, and it ended up being like three or four hours, and they were looking at the front of my eyes, at the back of my eyes. There were photos of every part of my eye being taken. Then all of a sudden, I get taken back into the doctor's office and he said, Look, we need to do a biopsy. He said that he needed to get me in for this biopsy in the next two weeks. And I said, Well, you know, we can't afford it out of pocket. We were looking at two or three thousand dollars and through the government it would be free. So I went, Well, can we not just get me into the government system? And then he said, Well, if that's the case, you'll be waiting for six months and you don't have that time considering it could be cancer.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

That was the first time he'd actually mentioned cancer. So I don't remember the rest of the appointment because I just kind of went into this tunnel vision and you know, everything else in my mind is just kind of going outwards and going, oh my gosh, cancer, doesn't that mean, you know, the end of my life, doesn't that mean like I'm going to die? It does if this isn't something that happens to someone at 21. This is something that happens to someone who is older, who has lived their whole life and has had an experience as well beyond mine. How is this fair? And as I said, I don't remember the rest of the appointment. I don't even remember driving home from the appointment because I went by myself. I was terrified because this is a lot of money to be asking my parents for from a doctor that I've met once. And then we had to go back and get another second opinion from him and work out what was going on. Uh, as I said, exams of the following week. I think three out of my four subjects, I got like 52, 53 for the entire year. So I done pretty well throughout the semester and then just absolutely flunked the exams. You were a little distracted. A little bit distracted. Had a few other things going on. I just kind of went through the process of sort of accepting what was going on. I had surgery two weeks later, after the initial appointment. And when it came back, he said that it was benign. About six months later, and this was heading right towards my 21st birthday. So I was planning the big 21st party. I was studying in my second year of uni, which was a lot harder. I was doing physiology and anatomy, I was doing biochemistry on top of some of the other subjects. So it was quite intense. And these three black spots came up on the white of the eye. I just went, I don't have time for this. Mum was really distressed and said I needed to go back to the doctor, get them checked out. And I said, look, the last time I went, I almost destroyed my university career because I wanted to do my master's of dietetics. I had to get high mark. So I was quite focused on my future and my career rather than potentially my health at that point, because in my mind, it was just going to come back as benign and it was just going to ruin my university degree. So I was like, no, I'm going to get through all of this. I've got to focus on all of these other things I've got going on. Second semester ended in the middle of October.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

I was like, then I'll go. So I left it for quite a while. And I was actually due to be going overseas at the start of November for eight months. Didn't leave a lot of time for myself in this and went and saw the doctor eventually in October. These dark spots hadn't disappeared. They've probably gotten a little bit bigger, a little bit darker. This doctor had looked at my eye and he said, they need to send you to a front to buy a specialist. You know, the last time he told me it was benign, I didn't trust him at that point at all. And he was wanting me to go through more specialists. So all I thought in my mind was he's going to get more kickbacks for referring me to another private doctor and stuff. He was trying to keep me staying home. I was like, no, I've booked everything. I'm going. So I see. I did have a support network there. It wasn't like I was going over with no one there. Uh so I continued with my, I just went, nope, I'm going to South Africa. And we came to an agreement that I would see a specialist over there. So my dad booked me in to an ophthalmologist who was probably the top ophthalmologist in South Africa for an appointment, like the day after we landed, which is always fun when you're so um jet lagged. No doubt. And we went and saw him, and this doctor had never seen ocular melanoma or anything like that before. So he had a look and he booked me in for surgery the following day, another biopsy, and he wanted to do it properly. This doctor was absolutely incredible, I have to note. He did all of his research. He was in contact with specialists around the world, was making sure that he was doing the right things. Because although he hadn't seen it, he wanted to make sure that he was doing the surgery correctly. So by the time he saw me the next day, I feel like he was specialized in the area. He did the surgery, and then that came back the following week. And he was saying, No, the histologists are saying that it's benign. Like you're actually fine. If I had one of my friends with me and we went traveling and we went and did, you know, the Kruger National Park. So we got to see all the wild animals, which was incredible. We did some scuba diving, we did like the whole route from Johannesburg round through to Durban, all the way to Cape Town and back over like six weeks. It was beautiful. Then I got back to Johannesburg. We got this really random call from the doctor's office saying they'd been trying to get in contact with us and for whatever reason hadn't been able to get through. And I needed to come and see them immediately. We went to the doctor's office and he turned around and said, So when we got the results the first time, it hadn't been signed off by the head histologist. And when they had a look at it, they noticed that something was wrong. They've sent the sample literally worldwide and had multiple people across the globe have a look at it, and they've actually determined that this is conjunctival ocular melanoma. So I'm sitting there going, okay, well, what does that mean considering we've removed it all? What does treatment look like? What do I need to do? Basically, can I stay here? And he was like, I don't really know. And I think he needs to go and see an oncologist, another specialist. I had no clue what it was until in the office, basically. And he sat down with me. I was determined to stay. And he just said, melanoma is not a cancer you play with. Melanoma is very easy to treat when it's in its early stages, but once it spreads, it's your life. And I just sat there and went, okay. And I was very angry at the world. And I got out and I just remember going and having like gin and tonics in these like huge glasses with my dad and just like getting very angry at the world. And like my dad was very good at allowing me to express those initial emotions, which were frustration and anger and irritation and stress, because I didn't want to put my dreams on hold. At that point, I was actually meant to do my dive instructor course. So I wanted to become a scuba diver instructor. I wanted to volunteer as a nutritionist in some of the smaller communities. Instead of being able to do that, I was being told I needed to head back to Australia because that's where some of the top-level melanoma treatment and the melanoma research is.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

What a roller coaster.

SPEAKER_03 13:43

Yeah. It took a little while. My dad still wanted me to stay, but it started to add up in cost because although I had travel insurance, travel insurance only covers you to a certain point. And, you know, they kind of say, well, once you hit this point, I should have been heading home. I shouldn't have been staying. There was no reason. So after about two weeks of sitting on the fence, I went home. And my mum is an absolute angel. She'd already set up all my appointments. For when I got home, she'd found me a GP who was specialized in melanoma and skin so that he would sort of understand a little bit more than your general, I guess your general GP. I got in and saw another specialist. And within about two weeks, I was in at the top specialist for ocular melanoma in Melbourne. He had a look at my eye, he had a look at my medical history and everything that I'd been sent back with from South Africa. And he said, Oh, well, they've done a very good job. I was like, Yeah, that's good to hear. He's like, Well, there's nothing really we can do right now except watch and wait. And I sat there and went, Oh man. So I could have stayed in South Africa. Like there was no reason for me to come home. So up until then, I guess I didn't take it very seriously because I didn't feel like anyone else had taken it very seriously. I didn't look very sick. Really, all that was going on was I'd had a couple of surgeries on my eye. I was a bit frustrated at that point because he then just told me, Oh, well, just go back to university. You could probably start with them this semester instead of doing your deferral. I was like, Well, I'm not really in the headspace. I was meant to be doing scuba diving in South Africa, trying to go and study nutrition in a classroom. Not really where I'm at. So I went back and just did some waitressing for the for that six months. I went to Bali, which is like a beautiful island near Australia, and just did quite a few little bits and pieces for myself and kind of grounded myself again and just accepted what had happened, accepted that yes, I was a cancer patient, but almost no, I wasn't. I would see this doctor, the specialist in the city every six weeks for a checkup. Eventually he looked at my eye and he said, Well, nothing's really changing. And he's like, I think they've done a really excellent job. We've caught it all, been like a little brown spot that he'd biopsied again. And he said, Look, that came back benign as well. I think maybe you're just, you know, at a higher risk of having these discolored spots on your eyes. So we'll push out our appointments to being every four months. And if you do notice something, go to your GP first and then come here. Sounds, I guess, in some ways promising, in other ways, a little bit nerve-wracking because it felt a bit pushed away and a bit not taken seriously. And then everything was good. And then two months later, there was like out of nowhere, five spots that were dark brown on the white of my eye and also on the inside of the bottom eyelid. And there was also a lump underneath the bottom eyelid that was about the size of a pea. And it was quite irritating. And eventually it almost looked like I had a black eye all the time because it was so dark, it was so raised. And I was still waitressing at the time. So obviously, I had, you know, patrons of the restaurants that I was working at sort of asking questions about my eye because they could see the black spots and they could see this dark spot under my eye. So I started to get really self-conscious and went to my GP again. I was like, hey, this doesn't look right. He looked at my eye for about a minute and then was on the phone to the Royal India Hospital, which is where I was being treated, and they sent me up for a biopsy again. My original doctor wasn't there for that surgery. And another doctor went to go and do it, and he couldn't remove some of the spots. He couldn't biopsy all of them, but he did get some off. And then I went back for my results. The doctor just said, well, the melanoma's back. It's definitely melanoma this time. It's more aggressive. You've now got multiple spots and it started to spread to other parts of your eye. So we're going to have to do something more drastic than we really initially thought we would have to do. I sat there and went, well, okay, that probably means that I'll be losing my eye, but I'll get to wear a glass eye. It's going to be fine. I'd actually had someone who I'd known who'd had a glass eye. They were able to work, they were able to drive. Like it didn't really seem to impact them all that much. So I was like, yeah, okay, that's not ideal, but I guess that's something that you kind of have to accept when you've got an eye cancer. I went home, was a bit angry, but dad had come back from South Africa here to support me while we were going, like me and my mum, while we were going through all of these appointments, which can be very overwhelming. And so much information comes up. So it's really, really important to actually have other people in the room because I always find like you miss things if you're not careful. We went and saw all these other specialists who started talking. My dad called the doctor and said, What's going on? You said that Jess needs to do something more drastic. What does that look like? And he sort of said, Oh, well, you know, we'll have to take the eye and the eyelids, and then that's it. And dad's like, Well, what does that mean? Jess will just have a closed-over eye socket. Oh. Again, that was the first time we actually heard anything like that. And so my dad was very distressed. He knew that that wasn't what I was expecting. It wasn't what he was expecting. You know, it was going to look different. And I sat there and went, no, that's not happening. We started doing research into all our other options. Can we do radiation? We found that there was a new drug that just recently been released for melanoma called ketruder. And we were begging for any of those options when we went back. And the doctors were basically like, nope, nope, nope, they're not going to work. They're not going to be the help that you need with melanoma. We always surgically remove first. And then if it metastasizes, that's when we start using these other drugs because surgery is the gold standard.

unknown 19:27

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

And I just sat there and went, absolutely not. And I remember that I asked the doctor, I was like, well, what's it going to look like? Because he's like, oh, it'll look pretty normal. I was like, well, what does normal mean when you're closing over my eye socket?

SPEAKER_01 19:41

He said, Oh, well, it'll just look like an armpit on your face. Oh, not exactly what a girl wants to hear.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

No, I was 22. I was already dealing with my own insecurities, and I'm now gonna have an armpit on my face. And my mind just went straight to not just an armpit, but like a really smelly, sweaty, disgusting armpit. I was like, uh, that doesn't sound nice. Thank you for that. I'm not having the surgery. And he was like, Well, you have the surgery, or you won't be here in five years.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

In five years. Yeah. Oh, hard blow.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Yeah. It was basically like his final blow. He didn't really say much else besides that. And I just remember looking over at my parents and almost giving them this like pleading look like, save me, help me, just do something. Like, can't we fix this? Because this is not the life I envisioned for myself. This is not what I imagined. They just had to look back at me and I guess see that pleading look and say, you know, there's nothing we can do. This is what the doctor's saying. This is the medical advice we're being given. We can go and get more advice, but it's also your life on the line the longer we leave it. So I went home that night and I basically just locked myself in my bedroom. Didn't really feel like talking to anyone. I didn't really know what was going on. I was trying to work out, I guess, what life looked like on the other side of this and whether or not I actually wanted to go through with it or if I was happy just accepting that I had five years.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_03 21:05

And it was very philosophical in a way. Like I went into this space of, I guess, non-judgment as well. And I just allowed myself to entertain every single one of those options without judging myself, without putting pressure on myself, without prioritizing one over the other. And within about a 24-hour period, I had definitely realized that I was being given a second chance at life. And I needed to take that for myself and for my family. And also because I'd had friends and family who had passed away with no options being handed to them. So it felt very selfish not to take the surgical option. And then I sat back and I was like, well, there's really only two ways I can take this. I can either be poor Jess and I can go down the route of locking myself away, hiding myself from society, from believing that I'm unwanted, unaccepted, unloved, that I will never get a job that I will. Always be scrutinized against. Or I can go down this more powerfully positive Jess avenue. And she was this really courageous woman who just boldly rocked the way she looked. She was going to own her differences and own her scars and wear them as battle wounds. And with pride, she was going to have the most supportive family and friends around her. And she was going to continue to live life despite everything that she'd been through. And I allowed myself to live both of those properly through in my mind. I was like, what does that look like? What does this feel like? Like, how would I experience life in both of those worlds? And eventually I went, you know, if I'm being given a second chance at life, if I'm already going to go through this drastic surgery, hiding myself away doesn't feel right. Hiding myself away doesn't allow me the opportunity to actually live this life and actually take advantage of and be grateful for what is being given to me.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

I could hear how you were making a choice, not only about the treatment option and about choosing life, but also how you were going to respond from this day forward. Okay, what am I going to do with this? How am I going to respond to this experience? That's pretty remarkable for someone so young.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

Yeah, it was like it was a decision of identity. As I took a step out of that room, as I said, it was 24 hours, which is in the grand scheme of things, things is not a long time. Not at all. So once I made that decision, I was like, well, how am I going to embrace this? How am I going to make it my own? Because I want to feel like I've taken control back. I want to feel like I'm embracing it, not that I'm just accepting it. And I started looking at all of these different eye patches and I found like really cool ones everywhere. So by the time I stepped out, I was like, yep, this is who I am. This is how I'm dealing with this. These were the eye patches I went and showed my mom. I was like, this is what I'm doing. And she was like, okay, cool. That's an interesting concept. I definitely know she didn't know really how to act around me at that point because I think she was worried that I was still going to be very fragile, which I was. Like I then started reaching out to my family and my friends and just letting them know like, this is what's going on, this is my decision, this is how we'll be dealing with it. And your support would be greatly appreciated. My sister set up a fundraiser because eye patches are really expensive. My bad. Okay. Good to know. Yeah. The cheapest ones are about $50. And like some of my most expensive ones are four or five hundred dollar eye patches. And this is your accessory now, right? Exactly. I've got more eye patches than shoes. Okay. I've got quite a few pairs of shoes too.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

So here, let me just see if I can capture this. Like when I say a roller coaster, like there were so many stages in there where you either started to accept that I could have cancer and what that could mean, to suddenly finding that it might be benign and then to be hearing that you needed to kind of proceed with possible treatments. Like there was just so many twists and turns to that journey. And that's hard for one person to keep up with and get your head around. Like if you get the cancer diagnosis, it's hard for anybody hearing that big C word. But then you start to work towards accepting it. But you had so many stops and starts in that process.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

Yeah. I could say that I have been blind-sided multiple times. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it was really challenging. And it, I guess the feeling was I kept feeling like I was being tripped up. It was like as soon as I sort of felt like I was standing up, getting on top of it, it was like, oh no, here's another blow. And that happened, you know, even after the surgery, I was within like a month, I was pretty much all good. The surgery itself, I was in hospital for about five or six days afterwards. I was really nauseous. I was really unwell on really high pain meds. And then the removing of the bandages was actually probably one of the most beautiful experiences. Oh. Yeah. I've got a whole passage that I wrote in my book, and I just remember going through it and experiencing this expectation of seeing someone who looked very different in the mirror and yet going through that acceptance and that self-love phase of looking at myself and going, actually, I don't look like a monster. I don't look different. You know, I'm still Jess and I'm still beautiful. And the only real difference is that I've got one eye staring back instead of two. And that was a really beautiful, humbling moment because I think it really reflected how much personal work I'd been doing, how much personal development and personal growth and acceptance that I'd actually gone through. And also then set me up for a lot of self-confidence because let's be honest, society is still not very accepting of people that look different, especially with people who have facial differences. And I have been criticized on multiple occasions. I've had so many people yell out to me on the street or point at me or you know, sing the pirate songs, or you know, all of those things. And if I didn't have that strong sense of self and that strong sense of self-love, I think that would have really hit hard and it would have really hit home at that point. And it took me a good year to really get on top of that all the time, to be at a point where I didn't just accept myself, but I really loved who I was and how I looked. You know, there would be days where I would feel so self-conscious that I didn't want to go out to the shops. And when I was walking around feeling self-conscious, it always felt like people were being more critical. But when I felt confident, even if I did notice someone pointing or whispering to each other, the conversation in my head was so different. The conversation was, yeah, they're thinking that this eye patch is really cool. Like I'm wearing one of my favorite ones. I look amazing. This is great. And it was such a drastic difference. And it was a real lesson for me that mindset and my feeling of self and my sense of self and my self-belief is going to be reflected in how I'm experiencing the rest of the world.

SPEAKER_02 27:55

Oh my gosh. I just think about so many people who could hear that message, people who have not been through cancer as you have, but still worry about how they might look or worried about being good enough or being accepted. And here you are rocking an eye patch and still restorying that in your head and really intentionally working at that. And I want to really honor that you would have had to be very intentional in practicing that. It doesn't come easy for most of us anyway. But I truly admire that, Jess.

unknown 28:29

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 28:30

The skill of reframing is something that needs to be practiced and needs to be used. For me now it is very natural, but that's six years of practice and six years of putting that into perspective and realizing that you know I can write the story that I'm living and that I write the experiences. And yes, there's going to be challenges, but at the end of the day, I don't have control over those challenges, but I do have control over how I respond and how I perceive them.

SPEAKER_02 28:56

Well said. I am so glad you've written a book there, girl. Before we get to the book, I just have to ask, because I'm pretty sure our listeners are going to want to know how many eye patches do you have?

SPEAKER_03 29:07

Well, it's somewhere between about 40 and 50. Right on. Um, it is. And, you know, a little bit of a spoiler alert, I am getting married and I've already been postponed twice, but I do have a bridal eye patch that we got specifically made with the same lace that is on my beautiful wedding dress. So yeah, it's very exciting. I love it. I actually have a lot of fun with the eye patches and sort of dressing them and working out how they fit into the outfits. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Right on. I'm still getting to know you, Jess. I see you as this outdoorsy, athletic go-getter girl who is going to scuba dive and climb mountains and you know, jump off bridges and bungee jump. But goes for the blingy eye patch. Like I love the many layers to you, girl.

SPEAKER_03 29:57

When I was younger, I was the judo athlete and then also loved fashion and things like that. So it's always been that part of me that's had to learn to balance. I guess that more in some ways masculine energy and feminine energy and learning to love both of those sides has also been its own journey.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

Yeah. Well, for someone who's still in her 20s, I think you are going to do amazing things with this learning. I just need to ask, what has surprised you on your journey to date?

SPEAKER_03 30:25

There's so many different elements, but I think my ability to properly embed a positive mindset and to embrace that. And my level of resilience honestly has surprised me at points. My ability to adapt and accept things that are changing and constantly changing has really surprised me. And my ability to accept all of those things has been really surprising in a really beautiful way.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

Very cool. Because it is often in reflection that we are able to see our strengths, even though you could see your adventurous side and all the other sides to you that was there even before this experience. But as you're growing and even in the 20s going to university, we learn a lot about ourselves in that process as well. So let's jump into the book a little bit because the name of your book is called I One, which I love. And maybe, first of all, what did you also get from writing the book? Because you've told your story many times. But I'm curious in writing the book, what that was like for you.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

The whole writing experience was really beautiful, but it was very different at the same time. Because I think when you're going through challenges, often you are in that fight or flight mode, you are in survival mode, and it's really like you're trying to get from one day to the next. So the impacts of, I guess, some of the emotional trauma don't really hit and/or you don't really realize that they're occurring. So going back through and writing my book, reliving those experiences, because to write such an authentic book and to write from really authentic place, you do need to take a step back into that place and that time, which can be very exhausting, can be very traumatic. And there were elements that were, there was a lot of things that came up for me. Like my grandfather passed away about a month before I was told that I was losing my eye. So there was a lot of this grief, kind of just got bundled into one. And when I was writing, it kind of got stretched back out. And I had to really go through that grief process of my grandfather passing again. And I had to relive some of those doctor's appointments. And writing them was so emotional and so deep. But at the same time, it kind of let me properly settle and put those, I guess, things that I hadn't really gone through properly to bed. I never imagined I would ever be an author. I didn't need to have perfect grammar or I didn't need to have done a degree in arts to be able to write. There was also that element of I could write everything that I felt and then hand it to an editor who would help bring it together in that sense. When I handed off the book, you start getting the edits. That was actually quite anxiety-inducing for me because you're going to take away my voice. You're going to take away who I am. You're going to take away my essence. And it took a little while working with the editor. I mean, she did a beautiful job, kept my voice, kept my language. There was a couple of times where she'd put words in, and I was like, if I have to Google what that word means, it doesn't belong in my book. Sorry. At a girl. So being an elite judo athlete who was tracking to be on the Olympic team, I focused in a bit on an abusive relationship I had in my early mid to late teens. My parents' divorce had a huge impact on me. And just sort of explaining what happened, but more than anything, taking those learnings and those lessons out and saying, no one's born resilient. We learn lessons along the way. We learn these skills and these tools that we put onto our tool world. And we continue to grow. And these were the things that were probably my biggest learnings and my biggest lessons. And what did I take out of them that helped me and supported me later down the track when I was going through the hardest challenges of my life? And then at the end, we kind of looked at the things that I've achieved ever since. So, you know, meeting my partner, because I met Sean well after the fact. I didn't date for about two years after losing my eye because I had so much else going on. We focused on that. We focused on some of the other adventures that we've been on, you know, and some of the other experiences that I've had. And it was this whole journey of, you know, making sure that all of that wasn't given away at the end. So apparently I brought Sean into the factor way too soon. Oh, I see.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

I love that you mixed it up and approached it from a very different angle. So when you talk about tools, and I don't want to be a spoiler alert because if we give too much of your book away, we want to entice people to go read the whole thing. But I wondered if you would share when you talked about toolkit and the tools on your tool belt, would you mind sharing your patch approach to building resilience with our listeners?

SPEAKER_03 35:08

So it is patches in like the iPad.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 35:11

But basically, it was when I was looking at how to become resilient, how to accept challenges, I was really, really intrigued. A lot of people kept telling me that I was resilient. I sat there and went, what does that actually mean? What does that look like? And at the time when I was Googling it, it was literally like, oh, the ability to go back to its original shape. Yeah. And it was like elastic bands. I was like, what? And I then started going, well, this isn't very helpful. If you wanted to tell someone how to become resilient, how to, you know, build their resiliency, that's not going to help them. That's just fluff. And a lot of what I was finding was fluff. And there was such a strong connotation towards just having grit as well, which is something that I think is really important as part of a holistic resilience approach. But grit on its own can really be that grin and bear it, get through it. And often people, if they are just focusing on the grit and the grin and bear it, will eventually get to the other side and just kind of fall over because it's not sustainable. So I wanted to find this really sustainable version of, you know, how do you continue to push yourself? How do you continue to move through these challenges? Because life is challenging. Everyone will face a challenge in their life, no matter whether it's, you know, cancer is a huge one, but there are so many other ones as well that sometimes we brush under the carpet because we go, well, it's not as big as someone else's challenge, which isn't going to help you. You need to deal with those trauma points, you need to deal with them. Otherwise, they will fester in different ways. So I started to look at not just my own experience and how I dealt with it, but I started to look at a lot of different people. So I looked at people like Dylan Alcott, who is a wheelchair tennis player in Australia and he's amazing. Amy Purdy, who is a Canadian who lost both of her legs to Meninja Cockle and then became an Olympic athlete as a, I think she's a snowboarder and she's just incredible. Bethany Hamilton, who was a surfer and at the age of I think it was 11, had a shark attack and lost her arm and then continued to surf. Like all of these amazing people. And like I analyzed them and I looked at, well, what are they doing? What do they all have in common? And that was where that patch method came from, was they had these five key things that they were all doing. So P is for positive, and that's for having a positive mindset. And this is very different to that fake positivity, that toxic posity that we often see of like, just brush it over, like it'll be fine. It's okay. This is about actually like training your mind to see the beautiful things in every single day, the golden nuggets, the things that are going well. At the moment, even on my social media page, we're in a lockdown at the moment, which came out of nowhere. And I have started doing my moments of joy post. I've highlighted the beautiful things that I'm seeing in every day, the moments that are bringing me joy, because joy is not something that we can find in every single moment. There's this expectation, I think, around happiness and around joy and around being positive that you have to be able to do it 24-7 every single day, all the time. And that's not sustainable. Life is life. Things are going to happen. If you stub your toe, you're not going to sit there and be happy about it, that's for sure. So, how do you then highlight to your brain and to your mind to train yourself to have that positivity bias so that at the end of the day, when you look back on your day, you see the beautiful things, you experience them instead of seeing all the things that went wrong or the criticisms or the self-criticisms. And this comes down to the language you use. It is, you know, what you're noticing and everything like that. A is for adventure. And this is all about having a growth mindset. So looking at opportunities that are coming and are open to you and really taking them, not just sort of focusing in on your bubble, but stretching yourself, going outside of your comfort zone and embracing that fear a little bit and looking at it from an outside perspective and going, yep, it is a bit scary. It is scary to step out of my comfort zone. But if I do, I get to grow, I get to go on this adventure.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

Nice.

SPEAKER_03 39:02

He is for thankful. And it's probably will always be my favorite because it was a lesson that my beautiful grandma taught me was to have an attitude of gratitude and to bring in a practice of gratitude. And I say practice because it needs to be every single day. And it is scientifically proven that if you practice gratitude, you are less likely to feel anxious and depressed. You are generally healthier. There's a 10% increase in happiness, which is really hard to measure. But when you look at statistics, a 10% increase in happiness is seen by people who can double their income. And you can do that with a three-minute practice every single day. So it is this huge shift and it's such a small, beautiful practice. But I have been doing it most of my life. And I remember even when I was having my darkest days in the hospital, I would still sit there and I would be grateful for the nurses that treated me like a human being and for making me smile or, you know, getting to see a sunset or a sunrise from the hospital room. And it would just bring that glow to the day and remind me that there is so much I still have in my life and so much to appreciate right now. C is for create, and this is about creating the life that you want to live by setting yourself goals and stretching yourself and doing it in a way that is going to support your growth and you know, not being afraid to set goals that do feel a little bit scary, but then also making sure that you've set yourself up for success by having milestones as well. So that if you're wanting to climb Mount Everest, you can't do that tomorrow. You've got to do the training, you've got to set yourself up, you've got to do the hiking every single day, and you've got to set yourself up a timeline that you're holding yourself accountable to. And the last one is eight, which is for honor, and that's about honoring yourself. It's about the way you speak to yourself again, is so important. The words you use create the world you live in. So be really conscious of those words that you're using, as well as living to your values, because when you're living a life when you are focused on your values that live up to your values and making decisions that back up your values, you won't regret them. Whereas when you're making decisions because you want to please someone else or because you want to be accepted by someone else or seen in a certain light, you will always have that internal feeling of like, I have I made the right decision? Is this okay? It doesn't feel quite right. And you'll always question it. So honoring yourself in everything that you do is really important.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

That is super catchy. And we'll always think of you when we think of that acronym. How can we not think of you as having created that? I love it. Jess, I just am so pleased that you've taken the time to write this book. And I hope that those out there listening who've heard your story will hopefully get a sparkle of inspiration or two that you have come through so much as a young adult. And in my mind, what I'm thinking about is how much we grow in our 20s anyway. And our brain is still developing. And man, you had to grow up fast. You had to make some big decisions for such a young person. And I really admire who you are as a person because I can hear your values coming through in all that you're doing now.

SPEAKER_03 42:10

I think it's just that, you know, no matter what challenges you face in life, you are completely capable of getting through them. And it's okay to ask for help. I did see psychologists, I have worked with coaches, I have had support throughout the the entire time because I can't do these things alone. No one can. And you can only specialize in certain areas. And it's not a weakness, but a strength to realize that you need that support.

SPEAKER_02 42:38

Yeah, I appreciate your mentioning that because then we don't have to do it alone. And often by the time I meet with my guest, like yourself, you've already come through so much of your healing. You've worked through a lot of your grief. You've had to probably work through it a number of times as you go about your day working on your sense of loss and losing your eye, but also the way that people treat you. It's a reminder of what you've been through. So I love that message that it doesn't have to be a one-shot deal. You may have to go back and get some help along the way. And my husband one time said, we all should get a coupon book when we're born, and that we can use these coupons at different stages in our life to go for counseling, which automatically says this is a normal, healthy thing. And why not gift people with that at the very beginning?

SPEAKER_03 43:27

That's really beautiful. I think that's so important. And yeah, I want to destigmatize getting support and getting help because it is so essential and it will help you get through whatever you're going through. And as I said, it's not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength that you can actually ask for help. Instead of hitting rock bottom, you can get help throughout that to continue to help you move through it and accept it.

SPEAKER_02 43:48

Absolutely. And you're helping people by writing your story, sharing it with others, helping us hear how you have been navigating it. So thank you so much for being here and taking some time. to inspire our listeners and to be vulnerable and be able to share your story.

SPEAKER_03 44:05

Thanks for having me, Cindy.

SPEAKER_02 44:07

My pleasure. Jess's message is truly one that exemplifies the need for us to seize each moment. Although she intuitively is drawn towards adventure, Jess seems to live life to the fullest every opportunity she gets. You can hear so many layers of wisdom that she has been discovering through these experiences. I also wanted to mention that this is only one of the challenging chapters in Jess's story. I encourage you to pick up her book to discover how she has also overcome a further bout of cancer that was quite debilitating. It's difficult to capture all of one story in a single podcast, but I trust that you will also get a fuller picture when you check out her book called I E Y E I One. I found it quite remarkable to hear how Jess approached the decision of whether to have her eye removed. She focused on what she had control over and played through who she wanted to be. This meant imagining her on each path she could take and who she would be in each scenario. At that time Jess was making a decision of identity relying on her early experiences and challenges to guide her through cancer, Jess drew on her strengths, insights and her positive attitude as she suggested, she had an opportunity to write the story she is living. I just love that. So here is a quick recap of her patch approach to resilience P is for positivity, looking for those golden nuggets. A is for adventure taking on a growth mindset suggesting that you get to go on this adventure T is for thankful as her grandmother used to say taking an attitude of gratitude. C is creating the life you want to live and H is for honor. Honor yourself the words you use create the world you live in Jess has become quite proficient at reframing and finding a more helpful way of painting the life she chooses to live. As a final reflection from this conversation I was reminded of Joel Austin's words of encouragement in an interview with Oprah What follows I am is what we're inviting into our life you say I'm tired or I am frustrated or I am lonely well now you've invited more of that in so the principle is to turn it around and invite what you want into your life and of course there is a balance to this start by saying I am talented I am strong or I am kindful anything you choose that draws on your strengths. What are the strengths that you would like to bring into the light I invite you to make a list of three things you would like to focus on and grow in your awareness. We can find it just too easy to focus on our growing edges try this as a practice of remembering your strengths and continuing to build on who you want to be as in the words of Jess who do you choose to be as you choose your identity thank you for listening to this episode of a resilience project we would not be doing this podcast without you. If you or someone you know has an inspirational story or is helping to build resilience in their community please email me at cindy at a resilienceproject.com. In fact, email me either way. I would love to hear from you. My hope is to feature an episode periodically on your letters of resilience. I'm very interested in hearing your story of how you have tackled hard things and what worked for you. With your permission I hope to share some of these stories along the way with our listeners. Also check out my website arresilienceproject.com to learn more about our amazing guests. Your presence here is important because together we are cultivating a village of resilient individuals. You are creating a space for their stories to be shared and a sacred space for learning to occur. I also have a favor. I would love for you to go to your preferred podcast platform, rate and review the podcast so that we will know how we're doing I also would like to express my gratitude to the amazing team of volunteers that have jumped on board to support this project. You will find each of those beautiful people on my website on the team page. As you go about this week I invite you to think about one way that you can continue to grow your resilient muscle. What is one thing you can start with today see you next week ever find yourself waiting endlessly at a big box pharmacy feeling like just another number?

SPEAKER_00 49:32

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